I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize