im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Randomize