It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
