Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
