Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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