So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
