i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
