I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
