I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
