Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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