my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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