I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
