So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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