i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
as a side note pls kill me
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