hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
