He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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