thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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