Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Randomize
