i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
