thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I just found puke in my bra..
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
