If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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