this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
It's rum buckets o'clock
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Randomize
