first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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