If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
