apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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