the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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