My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
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Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
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That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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