i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
