Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
