I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
