fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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