I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
