This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
