It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Randomize
