so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
