i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
