cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
