True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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