I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I think people are normalizing furries
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
