Even the bartender felt bad for me
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
