I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize