his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I still have a little drunk in my system
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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