I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
