No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
