my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
