Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
