Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
