My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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