he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
