My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
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Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
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Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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