She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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