She said her name was "party"
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
