weddingsv make me drug and hornr
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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