Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
