I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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