tell your sister to shave her snatch
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
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