I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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