I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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