Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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