There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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