he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
