I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
