Already got asked if we're dating
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
