just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
