So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
