we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
