how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
