i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Someone shattered a urinal.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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