Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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