I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i think my tv is drunk
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
