The maid of honor just puked.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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