You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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