Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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