If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
