I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
