Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Randomize
