Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
