I want to have your abortion
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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