So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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