i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
