I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Everything about him screamed your future.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
We need to get me chipped asap
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
