.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
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