just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
