So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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