to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
