when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
