The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
